Lose the feelings that are weighing me down

Recently I have been thinking a lot about what I want, and I have come to the conclusion that I only know what I don't want. I think it's sad that is the way most people think. We know what we don't want or don't like. Like when you are judging the opposite sex, I feel that most say what they don't want in a partner. I need to figure out what I want.

Friday is my birthday, and Thursday I'm having a painting party at my apartment. I always feel uneasy when I host a so called "party" I always feel like no one is having fun. Hopefully the wine will take care of that. I'm hoping that people actually show up. The one person I want to show up isn't coming, so that suck. When I talk like that I feel like I'm in high school. But none the less that's how I feel. The plan for the party is that I'm going to buy one or two large canvases and we are all going to drink wine and paint what ever it is that we feel. For my birthday my parents are coming out to visit me on Saturday. It should be a nice visit if my sisters get along. They haven't been getting along lately. It makes me sad too, because we all used to be super close. These days things just don't seem the way they used to be, or the way they should be. The good thing is that January is flying by and it's normally the worst month of the year. Bad things tend to happen, and my birthday never goes as planed.

I think I have started to make a Wednesday ritual, I'm going to wake up semi early (but still sleep in) and go to a coffee shop and work madly on my homework. If I don't do that I fear that this semester will really kick my butt! I'm excited for this semester to be done, it's going to be rough. If I want to get up early I'm going to have to get off the internet so, until next time.

Sarah.